Challenge Post Day 1

“List ten things that make you really happy”. So in no particular order:

1. My dog’s reaction to me coming home after I haven’t seen her all day
2. A comfortable,sunny, warm day in the midst of a bunch of miserably cold days in a grey city
3. The “aww“Subreddit
4. When my boyfriend says sweet things to me
5. Dun-well doughnuts, and other vegan dessert delights
6. When my cat purrs and cuddles in the morning
7. The song “A Message” by Coldplay
8. When strangers are polite
9. Getting really long messages/e-mails from close friends I haven’t spoken to in awhile
10. Massages and/or my arm being stroked/tickled

What things make you happy? Is there one thing above all that makes you the happiest?

The Quest For Happiness, Or Not

It’s more common to read about how miserable people are than to read about their happiness and success. Like many, I believe we’re hard-wired to remember and focus on the negative primarily because the negative needed to be handled so that we could continue to flourish as a species, evolutionarily speaking. That drive hasn’t worn off and has adapted to modern society. But I’m sick of looking at hipster photos with Helvetica font urging me to be happy. I just read about a 100 day happiness challenge, and how “so many people find they don’t finish it”. It boggles my mind.

I used to be pretty sad. Most people go through depression at some stage in their life, moreso now because of reliance on the constant switching of screens for entertainment. When we’re not using our bodies and minds, not being challenged, even if everything else is going according to plan, we will get sad. It took me a long time to realize that I had to stop striving for happiness and just be happy though. ‘It’s too simple’ was my first thought when I was given that advice. I learned that it’s okay to be sad, that it’s natural and even sometimes good because it’s my brain telling me that I need to address an aspect in my life. The Pixar film Inside Out perfectly illustrates this idea that always being outwardly happy isn’t necessary.

I sit here tonight, typing this out, and I can wholeheartedly say that I am happy with my life. I’ve learned that you can ask a person if they’re happy or not, and if they start giving conditions they probably aren’t and need to have a long look at themselves. I’ve also learned that there are so many unnecessary stressors in peoples’ lives that prevent true happiness, and that observation of one’s self is imperative in achieving effortless happiness.

It all sounds so contradictory though. If you’re not happy with yourself then why would looking inward make you feel better? There usually is some underlying issue that hasn’t been dealt with, some disappointment or something missing. Expectations get in the way of reality, and so does a fear of letting others down. I never live to the expectations others have of me because they don’t live my life. It’s all really just a form of meditation. As someone who struggles with mindfulness meditation and the art of sitting still, lying in bed focusing on various aspects of my life and desires has become just as beneficial. When I’m feeling unhappy, I know how to address it because I know that an area of my life is being neglected.

Happiness is necessary for a sense of overall wellness. With severe mental health issues aside, I think everyone can overcome their bouts of sadness and stop striving to be happy, and instead can just be happy.

Rose Tinted Glasses

I’ve been slacking in the blogging world due to life picking up in the real world. My long-distance boyfriend of over a year has just come to The Big Apple to live with me for a bit and it’s brought up so many nice feelings and thoughts about relationships. The long story short is that I’m American, he’s Scottish, and we met at the beginning of our one year holiday visas in Australia. We spent nearly the entire visa together, then traveled some of South East Asia together before I came home due to being devastatingly broke.

While we were separated we spoke constantly through Skype and Facebook messages, wrote in journals to each other when the internet or time difference couldn’t bring us to one another, and thought about each other incessantly. I read a ton of articles about the best way relationships work, the theories of long distance relations, ideas of how genders view romantic emotions, etc. It was all pretty intuitive knowledge, simple and basic advice. Probably most touching was a story I stumbled upon about a couple that has been together for 80 years; they claim that their secret to a happy marriage is to always make time for a kiss and a cuddle.

Life is absolutely blissful now, and through my rose colored eyes I see how and why other relationships don’t work. To me it’s simple, and there are no exceptions to these rules (no matter how hard they may be to follow):

Don’t ever hide, lie, cheat, steal, judge, or seriously berate your significant other. If you catch yourself even thinking about any of these, evaluate the motivation. Are you jealous, insecure, having a bad day, or maybe you’re frustrated because you feel like the relationship is failing? In layman’s terms, check yo-self before you wreck yo-self. When the motivation is found you can figure out the next step, whether it be accepting your own wrong-doing and apologizing, seeing your own over-reaction, or understanding that maybe that person just isn’t the one for you.

It’s important to have similar values and be supportive. Much like the cute old couple article, cuddles and kisses are important, and so are nice little touches and favors. Taking an interest in what they like is a nice touch. These all sound really silly though, right? It’s so obvious. Be moderately affectionate, let them know how you feel, and show them you care, and everything should fall into place.

This is just a really short and sweet description of how I think relationships of any kind can last. It doesn’t take into account serious mental issues or life events, which are ordeals that a ton of couples have to go through, but in general it’s just simple advice. I hope everyone in the world can feel as happy and in love as all the most beautiful and cheesy love songs.

Rambles

I’ve been working nights, going out, and enjoying semi-good weather so I haven’t had the time to post and edit. Thought I might try something new tonight by doing what I have recently read as a “written sketch”.

So this isn’t about buzz words or cool topics, just sort of ideas that have been rolling around in my head for a bit. I’ve become very much aware of how unhappy and unfulfilled some of my peers are in their current situations. I’m all for happiness coming from within but can understand where they’re coming from when outside forces just generally suck.

The most common theme that is really gnawing at the souls of my friends seems to be the lack of a career/job, a case of the “Post-Undergraduate Blues”. The repercussions of this one matter extend into every aspect of their lives. They have no money, they feel unfulfilled because they’re not contributing to society, they’re not doing ‘what they should’, they have regrets about not trying harder for better degrees or grades, they hate themselves, they know that “logically” they “shouldn’t” feel the way they do, and the list goes on. I’ve essentially had the same conversation with four different friends who have no connection to each other.

And what advice do I have to offer? I have no desire to jump into the rat race. I want to save up money, pay off any debt I have, and travel. I live stress free, take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and always keep my priorities in focus. I don’t let external forces get me down, I’m optimistic, and I choose to believe that there are so many factors that determine other peoples’ behaviors that maybe they’re not awful and they’re just having a bad day. These people (whom most deem assholes) sometimes need a little extra kindness to brighten their day…or maybe they’re assholes. Who knows.

Either way, I offer this weird outside perspective that these friends lack because they have all become so sucked into this idea that your career is your identity and that without a job you’re nothing. Aside from allowing them to vent I ask questions: What do you prioritize? What are your goals (short and long term)? Are you doing anything to work on skills that would bring you toward those goals? Do you have an outlet that lets you blow off some steam? Do you do something you love at least once a day? How often do you sit without music in your ears and a phone/computer in front of your face? In tandem with these questions I think it’s important that people realize that “should” is a shitty word and that it’s completely okay to feel bad about things. Everyone gets so worked up over how illogical they’re being because they have negative emotions, and it seems so incredulous to me that logic and emotions would be tied together.

Ok, short rant finished, I’ve been mulling this over in the back of my mind for a bit and will have more to say about it. Hope this writing sketch was entertaining and/or helpful!

Here’s a picture of my niece wearing my pink wig and my dog looking adorable together for anyone feeling any sort of blues: